Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Gingerdead Man (2005)

Title: The Gingerdead Man
Director: Charles Band
Writer: William Butler, August White
Starring: Gary Busey, Robin Sydney, Ryan Locke, Larry Cedar
Studio: Shoot Productions, Full Moon Entertainment, Talos Entertainment

Ok, before you read this review you must understand this: I love bad horror films.  The worse they are, the funnier they are and the more entertaining.  Based on that criteria The Gingerdead Man gets a 10/10.  I realize though that most people read reviews to see someone's opinion on how good a film is.  But those people must realize that good is subjective and in this case good means baaaaaaaaaaaaad.  So here goes...

The Gingerdead Man stars Gary Busey as a killer gingerbread cookie.  Now he's not even a human sized gingerbread cookie, he is a normal sized gingerbread cookie that  comes to life when Millard Findlemeyer's (Busey) ashes are mixed into a bakery's cookie mix.  But wait, there's more... Are you still reading? Ok, Findlemeyer robbed that same bakery years earlier and killed the workers and patrons except for one young girl (our heroine).  He vows revenge just before he is put to death.  So, after his ashes get mixed up into the gingerbread cookie mix and a wannabe wrestler (The Butcher Baker) who works at the bakery cuts himself and accidentally bleeds into the dough mix Findlemeyer comes to life as the killer cookie.  I'm sure it doesn't need to be said at this point, but the story is ridiculous (fantastically ridiculous) and the special effects are extremely low budget.  Most everybody will hate this movie, but if you are one of the few (like me) who searches for movies like this that are so horrible that they are great, then it doesn't get any better than this. And best of all, there is a sequel... and a third film in the works!

Favorite Quote:

Brick Fields: [after eating the gingerbread man's head] Got Milk?

Rating: 1/10 if you're an unfun prick
              10/10 if you have a sense of humor

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

5ive Girls (2006)

Title: 5ive Girls
Director: Warren P. Sonoda
Writer: Warren P. Sonoda
Starring: Ron Pearlman, Jennifer Miller, Jordan Madley, Terra Vnesa, Barbara Mamabolo, Tasha May, Amy Ciupak, Lalonde, Krysta Carter
Studio: Peace Arch Entertainment Group

5ive Girls is exactly what I expected when I first picked up the DVD case in my local Blockbuster.  It is poorly acted and mediorcrely written, but it has a few redeeming qualities.  The main attribute this film has going for it is the outstanding special effects, especially considering the low budget feel of the rest of the movie.  5ive Girls has some roll your eyes humor which I normally don't mind, but somehow in this instance it didn't work for me. 

The story deals with a Catholic girl's school that has been re-opened after a student was possesed by a demon years ago.  The five girls that are forced to attened are all considered trouble makers and some have supernatural powers.  The school is run by a drunkard priest (Pearlman) and a mean headmistress (is there any other kind?).  The students end up battling the possessed girl from the beginning of the film and eventually the demon is found to be Legion from the Bible which can jump from body to body.  Overall this is a forgettable film and is definitley only worth a rental if you are at all curious.

Favorite Quote:

Father Drake: The devil is a liar, a trickster, and a thief... but he ain't a Latin major.

RATING: 5/10